Q&A Sunday: "I'm not writing as much as I'd like. Am I lazy?" (#1)
Let's talk priorities and how to fit creative writing into your life.
Friends!
We’ve officially arrived at our first ever Q&A Sunday! 🎉 I’m so excited to answer your questions in this space.
Let’s get started! :)
Today’s question comes from subscriber Kevin, who asks:
I believe that I am a natural writer who knows his talent and gift. I also have been told on many occasions how fluent I am with my words of inspiration and wisdom. I don't journal as often as I used to, but I'm always taking notes and writing down nuggets to really take note of and consider for future use.
I will admit that work and other passionate interests can and do consume a lot of my time, that otherwise could be time spent writing.
But, being married has also been top priority in my life as well and keeps me focusing on my responsibility as a husband.
If only there was more time in the day, just maybe I would take my love for writing more seriously. For the life of me, I don't know why I don't prioritize doing something that I enjoy and find so much therapy in doing.
My question for you is:
Am I being lazy?
…Kevin! What a great question.
Thank you so much for asking it, because I know so many of us writers can relate to being pulled in a million directions and then feeling like we aren’t writing as much as we’d like.
Now, I’d like to first answer your main question, and then I’ll tell you why that’s the answer and share some advice you can use to move forward with your writing (if you decide to do so).
First of all:
No, you are absolutely not lazy!
In fact, when I read your question, I see someone who seems very busy, trying hard to balance many different priorities.
Let me explain what I think is really happening here.
(I’ll use myself as an example!)
In late 2022, I decided I was going to train for a marathon and become a serious runner.
So I started running – up to about 30 miles per week at one point.
And to be clear, I didn’t just want to “run a marathon.” I wanted to become an elite runner. I started obsessively learning about nutrition, the best shoes, how to structure marathon training… all the things that would prepare me to reach my huge goal.
Of course, I was still balancing work (running my business) and spending time with my husband.
...But because running and training for a marathon was my Sole Big Goal, I never felt like I didn’t have enough time or energy for it.
(“Sole Big Goal” is my term for a singular pursuit that you are dedicated to achieving a high level of success in.)
I didn’t have other side hobbies or projects I was trying to grow and improve.
My business was already well-established, so I wasn’t actively growing it.
…Basically, other than the marathon training, I had no other big goals.1 Every other area of my life was pretty much cruisin’ along on maintenance mode.
So I continued running and training for a marathon.
But then, in 2023, I took my first fiction writing class.
I wrote my first short story. I workshopped it. And I learned to look at literature in a way I’d never been taught before.
After taking that class, I realized I had found the thing I really wanted to do: write fiction.
And I didn’t just want to “try it out.” I wanted to get really fucking good at it.
So I signed up for more writing classes and dedicated a ton of time to writing short stories and learning about the craft of fiction (and eventually, outlining my novel!).
I was obsessed. I loved writing fiction way more than I loved running.
It didn’t take long for me to realize:
I could not have two Sole Big Goals at once.
Because I was not going to become an elite marathon runner while also becoming high-achieving fiction writer.
I simply didn’t have the time and energy to do both. It was a “if you chase too many rabbits, you won’t catch any of them” situation.
Maybe I could have balanced both if I’d been willing to become a raging workaholic (…been there and done that and not going back, lol). Or if I was willing to neglect my relationship with my husband and have no life outside of running and writing.
But I wasn’t willing to do those things.
So I decided to shift my Sole Big Goal from marathon training to fiction writing.
And that’s where I’m still at today.
My fiction writing (specifically, my novel) is my Sole Big Goal and the one pursuit I prioritize over any other pursuit in my life right now.
I still run a couple times a week and exercise regularly, of course, but it’s not something I’m pursuing competitively.
…So, Kevin! Let’s talk about you. With all this in mind, maybe you can ask yourself a couple questions:
“What is my Sole Big Goal?”
If you’re looking to achieve a Sole Big Goal with your writing, like completing a novel this year or starting a freelance writing business from scratch, it’s so important to actually define that. Write it down.
Sole Big Goals require a significant amount of focus, time, and energy. Know that other hobbies and interests will likely have to be sacrificed in pursuit of a Sole Big Goal.2
…But maybe you don’t have a Sole Big Goal when it comes to writing.
Maybe you’re just looking to spend more time writing because you enjoy it. Which is also great!
Either way though, it sounds like if you want to write more, something else has gotta give.
Now, you mentioned you’re pursuing several passionate interests.
Write those interests down on a piece of paper, in order of priority.
Then, decide how much time you’d like to dedicate to each interest weekly (or monthly, if that’s easier).
And ask yourself if there’s anything you’d be willing to de-prioritize to spend more time writing.
And remember, it’s okay if priorities change over time, just like mine changed from running to writing fiction!
You might be in a season of writing right now, and you can always revisit other interests later on and make a new priority list.
Of course, this exercise could also make you realize you love your other interests more than writing. Or that you have a Sole Big Goal that doesn’t involve writing at all. Or that you’re happy to pursue a lot of interests at once without a Sole Big Goal. All of that is perfectly okay!
It might also be helpful to ask yourself:
“What am I willing to give up to write more? What am I NOT willing to give up?”
When I decided that writing my novel was my Sole Big Goal, I decided I was willing to sacrifice running competitively. I was also willing to make major financial sacrifices and simplify my business so that it wasn’t demanding too much of my time.
These decisions have freed up time and mental energy to work on my novel that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
However, I was NOT willing to sacrifice my relationship with my husband. I was NOT willing to sacrifice my physical health by sitting at my desk 12+ hours per day and never exercising.
Can you define the things you’re willing to give up vs. the things you aren’t?
I recommend writing these things down. Seriously. Something about writing these things down makes our brain remember them better!
I find that letting go of things that aren’t serving us is how we make space for the things we love.
For me, that’s definitely been the case. And some of the things I’ve let go of to focus on my Sole Big Goal of fiction writing have been very, very difficult to part with. But I know that letting go is a necessary part of the process, and one day, it’ll all be worth it!
Want to submit your question for the next Q&A? Leave a comment below on this post or reply via email. :)
I’d love to help you out however I can. (Please give me enough context to help you out – aiming for about 2-4 paragraphs is great!)
Also, feel free to comment below with your thoughts/questions on the topic of having a Sole Big Goal - or anything else we discussed in today’s post!
I always love hearing from you and read every single comment.
Thank you so much for being a part of this community! I am so grateful for your presence here. <3
In your corner always,
– Jorden
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Of course, I had other general goals, like reading novels regularly and eating healthy meals. But not any other MAJOR life goals, meaning goals that would require a large amount of focus, time, and effort.
Unless, of course, you have some superhuman energy and productivity! …Lol, does anyone have that in 2024 though? Idk. Almost everyone I talk to is tired as hell.